Why?
by firstclasstroublemaker
Summary: Natsuki seeks alcohol after Shizuru left her. Will she look for her or will she drink her sorrows away?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story and I decided for it to be a Mai HiME fic. Hopefully you'll like it and I don't know I've read a lot of Shiznat fics and NatNao fics so I decided to leave this story open ended so I could get your responses of which you would like better. English is not my first language and reviews are much appreciated.Character may seem OOC if I decide to continue the story depends on the reviews.

**Disclamer-** Trust me NOT mine if it were ... Takeda would have had a painful death grin

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She was emotionally drained. Her mind was fighting her inner demons, she didn't know what to think after the carnival she had learned to forget and forgive. At first she thought nothing of what had happened was real, that Shizuru and her didn't die together, that all of what happened during the carnival was just a very bad dream. She eventually decided to forget and forgive; she knew that she had feeling for her after all she was her most precious person. With time she realized that she really loved shizuru and would do anything for her. But it was too late … shizuru had left; she had gotten tired of waiting for the words that would never come.

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_-Flashback-_

She had decided that today was going to be the day that she would tell Shizuru she loved her. She drove all the way to her apartment; after all it was movie night what a better moment to confess your love after a romantic movie. She entered the apartment with the spare key she had, it was empty. You could only see the sunlight filtering through the window and reflecting on the wooden table. Natsuki went further into the apartment and wondered where Shizuru was. She yelled her name a couple of times … nothing.

She was getting worried and she was about to call her when she saw the letter on the kitchen counter. She froze, all of her worst fears came to mind, she took it and read it. She could see her hand shaking, her tears where threatening to come out. She knew this was going to happen Shizuru couldn't wait forever.

"I thought she loved me and would always be by my side".

She read it again and again somehow she couldn't believe what she was reading.

My dear Natsuki:

I'm sorry for leaving you like this and for all the pain I put you through. You must know that I will always love you no mater where I am. I just couldn't take it anymore every time I saw you, every time I was near you, everything I put you through the pain I caused you made me want to go away and just let you be. I'm sorry Natsuki I really am but I have to let you go. I have come to realize that you will never be mine the way I want you to be.

Love Shizuru

Natsuki started sobbing uncontrollably; she fell to her knees just wondering why…

**"Why!!!"**

**"I loved you, why did you leave me"**

She realized that she was yelling into an empty apartment, and made her more furious she didn't want her to leave she wanted to hold her and never let her go.

Natsuki decided to get as far away as that place possible, she just wanted to forget again.

She didn't have any other place so she decided to drown her pain and sorrow in alcohol so she could just forget. She entered the bar and sat down; she ordered a beer and just drank.

"Why Shizuru after all we've been through, how could you do that?"

She sat there almost all night and had lost count of how many beers she had drunk. She was feeling drowsy and could barely stand up straight.

"Miss you alright"

"Yes perfectly fine" she slurred.

"Miss I can't allow you to leave like that"

"Leave me alone" Natsuki snapped

"Natsuki???" came the deep voice

**"Reito?"**

TBC...?


	2. Chapter 2

Ok thank you to all who reviewed (shezaei-neko, Tenshi No Tsume, Shiznat, ALEXISSA2, bianca216, volk83, czub) and for telling me about the anonymous reviews, and thanks the other who read too but couldn't review because the anonymous reviews where disabled.

Ok pointers to the story Reito may seem OOC but it's for plot purposes since he may be a little more involved, apparently nobody uses him in many stories, so I decided to use him. I don't know if I'll use other couples or not that depends on how the story evolves. Sorry about the spelling and grammar mistakes I'll try my best to not make mistakes. Ohh and it's going to be NatNao. **JUST KIDDING. Shiznat all the way.**

Disclaimer: Not mine … Trust me if it where Takeda, would have had a painful death-_grin-._

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After she saw him come in she tried to sober up and not look so drunk.

"Reito, What are you doing here?"

"Natsuki, are you okay? How long have you been drinking?"

"Not long enough to forget; besides it doesn't matter anymore."

"Natsuki what are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb on me Reito, you must have known, I mean you practically saw each other everyday!"

"Ahem excuse me sir but do you know this lady?" the bartender interrupts.

"Yes sir don't worry, I'll take it from here I apologize if she caused any troubles." "Natsuki why don't we take this someplace more quiet?"

"**FOR WHAT! **She left she isn't coming back nothing is going to change."

"Natsuki what are you talking about? Who left?"

She was starting to get angry, how could he just pretend he didn't know? She balled her fist and started shaking. She wasn't thinking clearly, she had so many thoughts running through her head that she just couldn't take it anymore. She needed to punch something really badly, without her realizing she just raised her fist and it connected with Reito's jaw. Reito just went crashing to the ground, he never realized that the ice princess had so much force that it could send him down to the floor.

"**Shizuru she left you idiot she left!!" **

After that she just stormed out of the bar and tried to sober up some more.

She didn't know what to do, after all she loved her and she just vanished from her life.

Natsuki just hoped on her bike and set off. She didn't care if she died or not she just wanted to occupy her mind on something so she could at least forget the fact that _her _

Shizuru was gone.

_-End of Flashback- _

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After all of that, she just ended up in her apartment tired and staring at the ceiling, she was slowly drifting to sleep. She just kept replaying the same image over and over again.

Her mind was still drowsy after all the alcohol, but somehow it couldn't get over the fact that Shizuru was gone.

Slowly she just closed her eyes and hoped that this was just a very dream, and somehow still wondering why?

TBC…

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You like?? You don't like?? Doesn't matter, well it actually does LOL I just want to know your opinions, good or bad LOL. It will take a little bit more chapter for the two of them to interact, but they will XD.I was wondering if you would like to have some other pairs beside shiznat... if you do please let me know so I could somehow manage to put them in the story. I will try my best.


	3. Chapter 3

I never understood how was it that the authors could get so sleep deprived, but somehow I learned that today, after the sleepiness I went through. I must say that I am very thankful for the authors that try to update as soon as possible. Thank you for all the reviews they mean a lot to me and thanks to those who read but don't review too.

Disclaimer: **NOT** mine… Trust me if it was Takeda would have had a painful death -grin-

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One week had passed since somebody last heard about Natsuki, and everyone was starting to get worried.

After that night at the bar and the small discussion Natsuki had with Reito, she just shut herself out from everyone else.

Mai had been calling her but she just wouldn't answer her phone, she even went to visit her but she wasn't there, or she decided to ignore the banging Mai made.

She was wondering what was going on with her and if she was ok. It was until the third time that Reito came to visit her and Mikoto when she decided to ask him if he knew something. She knew that he probably wouldn't since they didn't talk too much, but what did she have to loose?

Oh! But she was in for a surprise. Mai was fumbling on how to ask Reito about Natsuki. She didn't know how to approach the subject since Reito barely knew Natsuki, instead Mai was caught unguarded since it was Reito who asked about Natsuki.

"Mai have you heard anything about Natsuki?

"No Reito why did you ask did something bad happen to her?" Mai was starting to get suspicious, Reito was never the one to ask about Natsuki, and she knew that Reito knew more than he was pretending to.

"**NO!** Not at all I was just wondering since I normally see her here everytime I come to visit you and Mikoto"

"Aha I knew it! You know something that I don't"

"What are you talking about?"

"Reito Kanzaki don't lie to me! You answered way to quickly"

Reito wasn't to sure if he wanted to tell Mai since he saw the look Natsuki had that day at the bar. Besides what was he going to tell her if she were to ask what he was doing at that bar? He needed to think of something fast cause he wasn't going to tell Mai he saw a very drunk Natsuki speed off in her bike, that would be just plain dumb and Mai would never forgive him. So he just did what came to mind; he called his escape route.

"Mikoto dessert is ready!"

"Reito Kanzaki! You're not getting away from this"

The truth was that he jut couldn't tell Mai not yet, so instead of having to answer the interrogation that was sure to come he called Mikoto whom he knew would stop at nothing everytime food was mentioned.

"Mai is dessert ready?"

Mai glared at Reito for getting away with this one but she was going to make him pay.

"Yes Mikoto"

"Yay, I wonder what it is?"

"Strawberry Cheesecake"

"Mmmm…"

"Would you like some Reito?"

Reito was still thinking of a way to get out of the apartment since he knew that if he stayed he was sure he was going to have to face the inevitable.

"Mai, Mikoto I'm sorry but sadly I can't stay with you any longer I'm afraid they are matters that I have to attend to this evening, It was a pleasure seeing you all today and please take care"

Before Mai had time to tell him to not move a muscle Reito was already out the door. She cursed to herself but promised she'd find a way for Reito to talk. She now had to take care of a hungry Mikoto.

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Natsuki woke up with a terrible headache that morning and to very loud ring so she decided to turn off her phone, in reality she threw it at the wall. She was feeling bad, she had been out again, this time with Nao. They went to a new bar that had opened near her apartment. It had been a week since the terrible day Shizuru left her and the fight she had with Reito, she started wondering what she was going to do now. After all most of the time she spend with Shizuru or doing something not productive. She really didn't want to think about Shizuru, but it was all she was managing to do these days. The only time she felt relieved and forgot everything about her problems was when she was drinking or totally drunk. So she had been doing that more often, and by often I mean every night. Natsuki was wondering how the hell she ended up in her apartment since she was way too waisted to walk.

She actually didn't care; nothing mattered anymore she didn't have anything left. Shizuru was the closest she had and now she was gone. She had tried looking for her in so many ways but she'd failed miserably. She called her phone so many times but nothing happened apparently Shizuru changed number, eventually she just got tired and stopped looking for her. She was wondering where she was and how she could find her, even after all the pain she had caused her she still wanted to reach her. After a while she realized that she was doing it again.

**"YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN YOU IDIOT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HER! DAMMIT WHY CAN'T I JUST FORGET THAT ALL OFF THIS HAPPENED AND MOVE ON"**

"I need something to drink"

She decided that she was going to go to the kitchen and see if she had anything to drink, as soon as she got herself off from bed she fell right back to the floor, she had tripped over some empty bottles and broken them. She was now cut and bleeding.

**"DAMMIT, FUCKING SHIT, FUCK THIS HURTS"**

She got herself up and ignored the pain that was going through her body and just went to the kitchen, she washed her blood away in the kitchen sink and went into the fridge…nothing not even left-overs.

After that she realized that she hadn't been in her apartment too much so there's was no food and no beer, that only meant that she had to go shopping for more. She really didn't want to but then she really needed a drink, and mayo.

A few moments passed since she finally got out of the bathroom and had a pair of clean clothes. She really didn't want to ride her bike today and the supermarket was only ten minutes away on foot. She was wearing a black top a pair of jeans and a pair of black converse. Her hair was in ponytail and she decided to wear some sunglasses since people might notice that she had a hangover. She was at the door when she heard her name, she slowly turned around and was in for a surprise.

"I don't need this right now" she thought.

**TBC…**

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I hope you guys like it… thanks for reading, sadly I won't be able to update as soon as thought because I'm having trouble with my computer(I really need to buy a laptop) please bare with me here and I think this chapter is longer than the other one. The first chapters might seem slow since I can't just throw everything in one chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok guys chapter 4 is here hope you guys like it and keep reviewing. I'm trying to make my chapters longer but it's just a little bit hard since I get all messed up LOL. I'm starting to have writers block too, but anyway onwards with the story. Hope you guys like it.

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Natsuki slowly turned around and saw Mai standing there with a concerned face.

"Hey Mai"

"Natsuki are you okay? You had me so worried I haven't heard from you in days and everytime I came to look for you, you weren't home."

"I'm fine, I've been busy."

Natsuki didn't have the chance to close the door when she heard Mai call her name. That gave Mai the opportunity to peek into her apartment, which was a mess. Natsuki closed the door as fast as she could since she saw Mai peeking inside.

Mai knew that Natsuki was not going to talk to her about her problems, there was a reason why everyone in school called her the ice princess. She knew something was up, Natsuki didn't look so good and she saw an insane amount of beer bottles inside her apartment. As soon as she heard the door close she snapped out of her trance.

"Natsuki what's up with the beer bottles?"

"I had a party a few days ago"

"Then it was one hell of a party"

Natsuki didn't say anything she just wanted Mai to leave her alone; she didn't need all the questioning so she could be reminded of all the problems she had. So she decided it was time for her to leave and go do what she was supposed to do.

"I'm heading for the supermarket, there are some things that I need, sorry but I have to go"

Mai was not going to let her go that easy she grabbed her by the arm but let her go as soon as she saw Natsuki flinch.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's nothing"

Mai decided to look why Natsuki flinched, what she found on her hand and Natsuki's arm was blood.

"Natsuki your arm"

"It's just a small cut"

"No it's not! Your dripping blood, Natsuki let me bandage that for you"

**"NO! I'm fine relax will ya"**

"Natsuki…"

"Sorry I didn't mean to yell, I'm fine I have to go."

Mai was sure this time; that something had happened to Natsuki these couple of days, and was going to find out. She decided that she was going to go to the supermarket with her and maybe get her to talk.

"Natsuki wait…"

"What?"

"Let me join, you I needed to go to the supermarket either way, so we can go together."

Natsuki didn't want the company but she decided that she didn't want Mai to meddle into her problems and she knew that if she said no she was going to get into more questioning. So she just let it go and told her.

"Fine"

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The walk towards the supermarket was quiet, Natsuki was thinking about her own things and Mai was just worried about her friend. Mai was thinking on how to get Natsuki to open up, or at least get her to talk.

"Nice weather huh?"

"Huh… ohh yeah…"

"It's perfect to go on a ride don't you think?"

"Yeah" Natsuki mumbled

"You should take Kaichou with you I'm sure she would enjoy it."

Natsuki had stopped dead on her tracks, she knew that this was going to happen if Mai came with her. She somehow would mention Shizuru and make her loose it. Mai noticed Natsuki stop and wondered if she said something that she shouldn't have.

"Natsuki I'm sorry I didn't mean to…"

Natsuki was just staring at the floor she was about to break down, why did Mai have to make her remember Shizuru? It had been one week and she still hadn't heard about her, she had been looking for her too in so many ways. She even asked Yamada to help her but it didn't work. She just wanted to run away and make it all go away. She just wanted … Shizuru back. Mai was still staring at her, not knowing what to do.

"Natsuki?"

Natsuki snapped out of her thinking and replied coldly.

"I need to go, leave me alone Mai"

"Natsuki wait, what happened?"

Mai was too late since Natsuki had already turned away and gone somewhere, she was about to follow her when her cellphone rang. She cursed out loud but answered the phone.

"Tokiha speaking"

"Mai this is Yukino…"

"Yukino?"

"Yes"

"What a surprise! What do I owe the pleasure to?"

"Mai, Is it possible that you could met me in the cafe near your apartment today?"

"Sure no problem; but is everything alright?"

"I'm afraid not I'll let you know when we met."

"Ok what time?"

"Today at 3:00"

"I'll be there."

"Thank you Mai"

"Sure no problem, take care bye"

"You too, bye"

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Natsuki was thinking too much. She had so many things on her mind that she was loosing it.

She still didn't get why Shizuru left her. Was it really that she didn't love her like she said she did? Was it that she was tired of waiting? She really couldn't tell, if she would have had more time she would have Shizuru by her side right now.

Natsuki didn't know where she was going. She just kept driving for god knows how long. Eventually she came to a stop and was standing at the cliff where her mother was taken away by the sea. Why was she here? She was about to break down, she couldn't take it anymore. She realized that she was weak, that she wanted and needed Shizuru. She just fell to her knees and started crying her eyes out and just letting it all out. She needed to let go and move on but she just couldn't get over the fact that Shizuru was gone.

Did she cause this much pain to Shizuru when she told her that she didn't love her the way she did?

**"God why is this so hard?" ** She yelled.

There was no reply, she knew there wasn't going to be one and she hated it. It just made it harder to stay sober and alive. The only sound she heard was the sound of the waves crashing into the rocks. She was going to stay there all afternoon and just go and drink at night. It had been a long time since she was with her mom alone.

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Mai was starting to get worried. Yukino barely called her and when she did it was to locate Kaichou. She was about to call Yukino when she saw the girl waving. Mai was relieved and waved back.

"Yukino, you look great"

"Thank you Mai so do you"

Mai just blushed at the comment. Later she remembered why Yukino called her and went straight to the point.

"Yukino what's wrong?"

"Mai… "

Yukino was lost. She didn't know how to tell her, or even if she should tell her. It was all so confusing.

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_-Flashback-_

Yukino was in her apartment getting ready to go out on her date with Haruka. She was picking her purse when she heard the phone ring.

"Hello"

"Hello"

"Yes who is this?"

"Ara, Ara how fast we forget Yukino"'

"Kaichou?"

"Yes, but I'm not the president anymore remember?"

"Ohh sorry"

"Nothing to worry Yukino"

"Is everything ok Kaich… Shizuru?"

"Yes, everything is fine I just needed to ask you for a favor"

"Yes anything"

"Is your beach house available?"

"Yes it is why?"

"I was wondering if you could let me use it? I'm willing to pay if it is to much trouble"

"Yes you may and don't worry its no trouble at all. May I ask why?"

Silence

"Shizuru?"

"Thank you Yukino, and have fun at your date"

"How did you?"

"Ara, Ara I did help you after all"

Yukino felt her cheeks catch fire and heard Shizuru laugh at the other end.

"Shizuru…"

"Well I have to go Yukino and tell Haruka I said hi"

_-click-_

Shizuru left a confused Yukino at the other end. Yukino didn't have a lot of time to process what just happened since her thought where interrupted by her date.

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Yukino was still remembering when she heard Mai call her name.

"Sorry Mai "

"No don't worry, just tell me what's wrong"

Yukino started telling Mai all that had happened the day Shizuru called her. Mai was confused and worried. She didn't know why Shizuru left and why Natsuki was acting all weird. But she knew someone who would.

**TBC…**

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I hope you guys like it and review: D Sorry for the long delay but I was kind of blocked. Question to all the writers out there that read my story. What do you normally do when you have writers block? Sorry about my bad grammar I'm trying my best. Also for the record everyone here in this story is on first name bases cause I don't understand the -san, -sama thing. I'll google it and use it on my next story cause it would just seem weird for me to use it after the fourth chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope this is longer.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 is here; hope you like guys like it. Well I finally understood the name thing, it's pretty easy actually. If I do decide on writing another story I'll be using it. Well without further do here it is. Sorry for the wait.

**Disclamer: Yeah it's mine, that's why I'm writting fanfiction.**

* * *

"The other day Reito came by to my apartment and told me he saw Natsuki in a bar."

"Natsuki?!"

"Yes, Reito told me she was in a really bad state because Kaichou left and didn't tell her anything."

_Silence_

"At first I thought that Kaichou would come back after a few days, but the week went by and she didn't"

"Natsuki"

"Later I heard that she had been drinking every night, so I thought that you might want to help her. I'm sure kaichou isn't doing so well herself"

Mai was at loss for words. She was processing everything Yukino had told her right now. She had to find Natsuki and talk to her or at least try to make her talk. Her thoughts where interrupted when Yukino called her.

"Sorry Yukino"

"No don't worry"

"Thank you for telling me this. I have to do something about this. I can't just see Natsuki drink herself to death."

"Mai, I would like to help you."

"You would?"

"Yes, it's the least I can do. Kaichou helped me before, now I can return the favor."

"Thank you Yukino I appreciate your concern."

"I will try to talk to Kaichou and see if she is willing to come back."

"You know where she is?"

Yukino didn't want to tell her, she wasn't sure she needed Mai to know just yet.

"No, but maybe she is willing to answer her phone."

"Thank you Yukino."

After each parting their separate ways Mai went to look for Reito and Yukino went after Shizuru.

* * *

Yukino was wondering how she was going to talk to Kaichou. Finding her was not going to be a problem since she knew that she was staying at her beach house. As she made her way towards her car she decided that she was going to pay Kaichou a visit. As she got in her phone rang.

"Yukino here"

"Yukino are you okay?"

"Yes, is everything okay Haruka?"

"Well you didn't show up to our date so I thought something happened to you."

"Our date? Was that today?"

"Yes Yukino, today at 3:30"

"Gomen Haruka, I though that was tomorrow"

"No, don't worry but are you still coming?"

"Of course Haruka, just wait a little longer"

"Sure, take care Yukino and drive sanely"

"Safely Haruka"

"You know what I mean"

Yukino just laughed at the comment and said her farewell. After she hung up the phone she knew she wouldn't be visiting Kaichou today. She decided that she would go tomorrow. She was really worried; Kaichou was never the one to stay away for too long unless it was serious. Now she could only wait until tomorrow, after all she had to go see Haruka.

* * *

Mai was walking towards her apartment. She was thinking about what Yukino had told her. Could Shizuru have left Natsuki for goof? Why? She didn't know what to do. Natsuki was not going to talk to her, she knew that. The only one whom Natsuki talked to was Nao and they probably didn't talk too much. They only got together so they could go out to a bar and drink. She knew asking Nao for help was out of the question. She sighed and checked her watch, it was 4:00. Only two more hours and the bars would open, meaning that Natsuki would probably be in one drinking her pain away.

Mai had to think of some way to help Natsuki. She couldn't let her drink herself to death.

She then remembered the conversation that she had with Reito. She totally forgot that Reito ran away from her that day in her apartment. She decided that she was going to talk to about everything that had happened so she was going to call him when she got home. Maybe he could help her talk to Natsuki. She kept walking until she reached her apartment. She grabbed the phone and dialed.

"Reito speaking"

"Hello Reito"

"Hi, Mai how are you?"

"Worried"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes and No, I really need to talk to you in person. Do you think you could come over tomorrow?"

"Yes, at what time?"

"Around 2:00 if that is possible?"

"Yes there's no problem"

"I'll see you tomorrow then"

"Yes take care"

After Reito hung up the phone he knew that Mai found out about Natsuki. He knew that she called her so that they could talk about her. He had to help her and Shizuru. He knew that Shizuru left Natsuki, even before Natsuki yelled at him. Shizuru had called him and asked him if he could watch over Natsuki. He thought that she was just leaving for a couple of days but when she saw the state Natsuki was in he knew that things became serious. He was tempted to call Shizuru and ask her what was going on but decided to give her more time.

Time was up, tomorrow he was going to talk to Mai and just think about someway to help them both. He had to do something about.

"Wow, I'm becoming more like Mai" he said to no one in particular.

* * *

She was standing near the cliff. Just enjoying the silence and remembering when Shizuru and her used to go on rides together. She laughed out loud realizing she was thinking about her again. One week had passed and she still hadn't found her.

"Not even the First District was this hard to deal with" she said out loud.

She sighed; she was tired she didn't want to deal with this. Her love, her everything_ her_ Shizuru had left her. She was wondering what she was doing. If she was thinking about her. If she missed her. If she had forgotten about her, if she had found someone else. The last thought made her mad; she couldn't picture Shizuru in the arms of someone else besides her.

"This is my entire fault; I was the one that made her wait all this time. Now she decided to move on and leave me and the only thing that I can do is cry over her."

"I just want to know why. Why would she leave me all of the sudden?"

The only answer she got was the sound of the waves crashing into the rocks. She needed to numb herself. All that thinking made her fell even worse. She knew that she had been drinking too much for her own good but what else was left. She had gone crazy trying to look for her and always ended up with the same result. She was ready to leave when her phone rang.

"Kuga here"

"Kuga this is Yamada"

"You found her?"

"I'm afraid not, but a contact told me he saw her near a beach a few days ago"

"When? What beach?"

"He said he couldn't fallow her since she disappeared really fast."

"Dammit Yamada"

"Sorry Kuga, I will keep looking"

Natsuki hung up her phone; she was feeling relieved and also depressed. Shizuru was okay but she still didn't know where she was. She needed something to drink and the realized that the bars where already open. She got on her bike and just rode off. Thinking about Shizuru and how she was.

Little did she know that her beloved Shizuru wasn't doing so great herself.

* * *

It killed her having to leave Natsuki. She knew that she had to, every time that she was near her it filled her with joy but also sadness. When she saw the object of her desire the only thing she could think of was that she could never love her the way she did.

"So close but so far" she thought out loud.

After she had arrived at Yukino's beach house a week ago, she hadn't heard any news from anyone. It made her feel relieved that no one was bothering her but it also made her think that Natsuki didn't care. It made her mad thinking about Natsuki. Was she really this weak when it came to her?

She had been crying the last few days, she really missed her. She knew that she couldn't go back. She had to move on, and let Natsuki free. All those thoughts overwhelmed her, so she decided that she needed something to drink. She went to the kitchen and prepared herself some tea. As she checked the shelves she found a small box of tea. There was only one bag so she knew that she had to go buy some more soon. She prepared the tea and drank it. She was feeling tired so she decided to lie on couch, she didn't have the energy to stay awake any longer so she slowly drifted to sleep.

_-The next day- _

When she woke up the next day she was hungry. She decided to prepare herself something to eat. She went into the kitchen, but it didn't have any food. She had to go to the supermarket either way so she went into the bathroom, took a shower and headed out. It was a sunny day, the beach was calm the birds where chirping and there wasn't a lot of people around. She took a deep breath so she could feel the calmness and relax. Her moment of peace was interrupted when her phone rang. She checked the ID, It was Yukino. She was wondering if she should answer, she really didn't want to be bothered. She let it ring a couple of times until she picked it up.

"Fujino speaking"

"Kaichou this is Yukino"

"Yukino what a pleasure, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing great Kaichou, I was just wondering if maybe you would like some company today?"

"Ara, Ara, Yukino, I would love the company but under one condition."

"Yes, Kaichou"

"That you stop calling me Kaichou."

"Yes Shizuru"

Shizuru smiled at the comment she really could use the company. It was Yukino after all, so she thought it wouldn't do any harm.

"Is Haruka coming?"

Shizuru knew that the comment would make her blush, and laughed.

"Emm… I'm afraid not she has matters to attend today."

"Very well then Yukino, I'll be waiting then."

"Yes Shizuru"

After Shizuru hung up the phone, she went to the supermarket so she could have some food when Yukino arrived. When she came back she saw Yukino's car parked outside the house. She went in and saw Yukino sitting in the living room with a smile.

"Yukino long time no see"

"Kaichou!"

"Ara, Ara did we forget about our agreement?"

Yukino blushed at the comment and it made Shizuru smile.

"Gomen"

"Don't worry"

Yukino was happy to see Kaichou again it had been a week since she last heard of her. She seemed happy, but she knew that her smile was just a mask that betrayed what she was really felling. She remembered why she came to see her and decided to take it straight to the point.

"Shizuru … Why did you leave?"

She wasn't sure that she should have asked so straight forward, but she had to find out.

Shizuru was taken aback with the question. She never knew Yukino could be so forward and just smiled. She knew that this was going to happen so she decided that she was going to talk about it, after all Yukino and her where not that different after all.

TBC…

* * *

Longer???? You like???? Thank you to all my reviewers and readers. I Hope you like the story. Not much to go only 3 or 4 more chapters and it's over. I have a confession to make…. I have never seen Mai- HiME …. Just read a lot of stories. I though you guys might want to know why the character seemed OCC. Well there you have it. For the record the other chapters are already written I just have to type them up. Please review. 


	6. IMPORTANT PLEASE READ! I'M SORRY

You guys I'm so sorry for this but I won't be able to update this story until a couple of days or a week. I've had some serious problems at home and at school. I don't know if you guys want to know or not but those problems got me into SERIOUS trouble so I'm grounded for I don't know how long and….. Besides that my dad erased my other documents meaning that what I had written about the story got erased. So I can't upload these days I'm terribly sorry. I will try my best to type everything again as soon as I can but I have to deal with some other stuff first. I hope you guys understand and be patient. The story will continue I promise you that.

Again I'm terribly sorry.

If you guys want to know what happened that got me into so much trouble you can visit my home page and read the journal.


	7. Real chapter 6

Ok you guys I'm sorry so much for the delay but after I fixed everything at school I went on a trip and then I had to go back to school so I could take algebra class. Meaning that I have to go and study so I can pass and move on. So I've been studying all this week and will be next week too. My exam is on Wednesday and I'm nervous as hell so whatever no more excuses after Wednesday I'll be free.

* * *

"Ara Ara Yukino a bit curious are we?" 

"Sorry Shizuru, I'm just worried about you. You've been gone for a week now."

"Yukino… don't worry I'm fine."

"Shizuru please don't do this to yourself, I'm here to listen to you. Tell me why you left."

_Silence_

"Shizuru?"

Shizuru was just smiling at Yukino. She really wasn't fine but she was never the one to show her real emotions. She grew up with a smile that betrayed what she really felt. She grew up to be what people believed was "perfect". The truth was that she full of flaws as everyone else.

"Yukino would you like a cup of tea?"

Yukino sighed she came here to get Shizuru to talk but it wasn't working. She didn't think it would be that hard.

"Yes please"

"Please wait while I prepare the tea."

Yukino smiled; maybe Shizuru would talk to her while they drank tea; after all the Kaichou was known for her addiction to green tea. She waited while Shizuru prepared the tea. A few moments passed after Shizuru came back with two cups of tea. She sat down and handed Yukino her cup. It was quiet neither of them were talking. Yukino was there to listen to Shizuru, but she was not talking. She didn't want to pressure her into telling her so she just sat there quietly drinking her tea.

"Yukino I appreciate your concern."

"It's nothing Kaichou"

"Ara Ara Yukino are you ever going to call me by my name?"

"Gomen Shizuru, I'm just not used to call you Shizuru"

Shizuru smiled at the comment. It was true even when she was helping her sort out things with Haruka she called her Kaichou. She remembered Haruka and wondered how they where doing.

"Yukino?"

"Yes Shizuru"

"How is Haruka doing?"

Yukino blushed "She is doing fine Shizuru"

"How are you **two** doing?"

Yukino blushed some more and it made Shizuru giggle.

"We are doing fine, thanks to you"

"Ara Ara Yukino, I must say it was all your work. I was just there to give encouragement."

"And I'm thankful for it. I'm glad we got over everything that happened during the carnival."

Silence…

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring you bad memories."

"Don't worry Yukino its ok. I just wonder if Natsuki ever forgave me for everything that happened and if she will ever love me the way I love her"

"I'm sure she did and you just have to give her time so she can sort out her feelings"

"Yukino, I am willing to wait for her but I don't want her to be with me because she feels she has the obligation. I want her to be with me because she wants to."

"Shizuru…"

Silence

"Is that why you left because of Natsuki…?"

"Yes I left because I want her to be happy even if it means it's not with me."

"Shizuru… I don't know if I should tell you this but …"

"Yukino is everything alright did something happen to Natsuki?"

"The day you left Natsuki went to look for you at your apartment. When she found out you where gone she got very upset. She lost it, I don't know why but Reito saw her at a bar take off very upset on her bike. Reito also told me she was drunk. After the week passed I met with Mai to see how Natsuki was doing. Mai said that she was in a bad state too and that she knew Natsuki had been drinking. After everything that I heard I decided to come look for you since I am the only one that knows where you are. "

Shizuru was lost she didn't know what to say It was all so overwhelming. Natsuki drunk on a bike… what if something happened to her. What would she do without Natsuki? Why would she be so upset? Why was Natsuki looking for her that day? She had so many questions to ask but she knew the only person who had the answers was Natsuki. Her thoughts where interrupted when Yukino called her name.

"Gomen, Yukino you where saying?"

"I have to go Shizuru, I'm sorry Haruka called me"

"It's ok Yukino"

"Shizuru take care"

"I will tell Haruka that I said hi"

"I will and if you need anything feel free to call me"

"I will take care"

"You too."

Yukino made her way out the door and toward her car. Shizuru saw her take off and decided she needed to think about so many things so she was going to the beach to think. As she was walking she stopped and looked out at the sea and just let the breeze play with her hair. She was asking herself so many questions. As she watched the sunset she remembered the two men that where following her and decided to go back inside. She didn't want anyone knowing where she was.

* * *

Natsuki woke up in her apartment with a terrible headache. She was wondering how she got home. She also remembered the conversation Yamada and her had. She decided to check her cell phone. She had one unread message, her heart started beating faster. She quickly dialed her voicemail. It was a message from Nao telling her that she was not going to be able to go out with her today. They where supposed to go drinking again today but Nao found a last minute date so she had to cancel. Natsuki cursed out loud, she was really hopping it was a message from Yamada. 

She decided she was going to take a shower get something to eat and jut stay in for the day. She really didn't have any plans; she went to visit her mother yesterday and didn't want to know anything about anyone else besides Shizuru. Since she was hungry, she went to a café near her apartment had something to eat and went back. She dialed her phone and called Yamada.

"Yamada it's me."

"Natsuki"

"Yeah, have you found her yet?"

"No but we are still trying Natsuki"

"Dammit Yamada… You'd better find her soon or you are not gonna get paid."

"Patience we are trying our best."

"Whatever!"

_-click-_

Natsuki was upset almost two weeks and nothing, and then it hit her.

"**I'm an ass why didn't I try her cell phone???"**

She quickly dialed Shizuru's number.

_-The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable-_

Natsuki quickly closed her phone and threw it into the wall. She was mad this whole situation was too much for her. She was infuriated she wanted to hit something so badly that she punched the couch. That didn't work; she started trashing her place; kicking the beer bottles, smashing them into the wall, punching things. She was tired. After she stopped her hands were bleeding and her apartment was a mess. She sat down on the floor tears coming out of her eyes. She felt so miserable without her. She needed her as much as humans need oxygen to live. She was such a coward to let that all get away.Slowly she fell into sleep.

* * *

As Reito made his way towards Mai apartment he was wondering what the emergency was. He knew that Mai was probably going to question him about Natsuki or even worse that she already found out about Natsuki and she wants his help. Mai knew that Reito liked to go out and have some drinks. He got there at two as scheduled and knocked on the door. 

"Reito I'm glad you made it"

"Mai, a pleasure seeing you"

"Please come in"

Reito made his way inside Mai's apartment and didn't see Mikoto he was wondering where she was.

"Mai where is Mikoto?"

"She is out, I sent her to do some things so we could talk"

"Are you sure it's ok to let her go out by herself?"

"Yes she is old enough now"

"Ohh I see"

"Reito I'm sure you know why I called you here"

"I think I do. Does this have anything to do with Natsuki?"

"Yes it does"

"Tell me did anything happen to her?"

"Reito what do you know about Shizuru leaving?"

"Nothing."

"Are you sure you haven't talked to her?"

"Yes I am."

"Why did you not tell me about Natsuki?"

"Because I thought you might over react"

"Do you realize she could have died?"

"Yes I did, but there was nothing that I've could have done"

"Well we have to help her I can't just see her drink away her sorrow and crash into something I'm Kaichou wouldn't like that."

Reito was about to tell her **WE????? **But Mai had the "you'd better say yes if you want to get out of here alive look"

Reito just nodded and listened to Mai and her plan. It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

She woke up to a hard floor and to a sore back. She was feeling weak so many emotions overwhelmed her. She looked around and found her apartment a complete chaos. She needed to get out of there, she needed to numb herself and just forget about everything. She decided to change so she could go out. She put on a black polo shirt, a pair of loose jeans, and her black converse. She grabbed her keys and her helmet and took off.

* * *

After she went inside she was feeling uneasy all the things that Yukino told her where a bit overwhelming. She kept imagining Natsuki on a hospital bed and all the pain that it would cause her. She was also wondering if the men that where following her were sent by Yamada. Shizuru knew that Natsuki still kept in contact with Yamada, so that made her wonder. Why was Natsuki trying so hard to find her? She couldn't stop thinking about all those things that didn't have an answer. She decided that she was going to make a quick call. She dialed and hoped that the other person answered the phone. 

"Kanzaki speaking"

"Reito it's me Fujino"

"Shizuru? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm fine, I was wondering if you could help me"

"Yes, tell me how can I help you?"

"I need you to take care of Natsuki for me"

"Natsuki is very worried about you Shizuru"

"I know"

"Are you planning on coming back anytime soon?"

"I don't know Reito"

"Don't worry Shizuru I will and please come back soon"

"Thank you Reito I have to go"

"Ok bye"

After Shizuru hung up the phone, she started thinking what she was going to do. She wanted to see Natsuki but didn't want to make her upset by just showing up all of the sudden. She also wanted Natsuki to be happy and to find someone she could love. That thought brought her bad images, she pictured Natsuki holding hands with someone else and being happy with someone else besides her. There was nothing she could really do Natsuki told her clearly that she couldn't love her the way she did. She was the one that decided to stay besides her knowing that they would never be more than friends.

She didn't know whether telling Reito to take care of Natsuki was such a good idea but she had no other choice. She didn't know if she was going to go back. She was going to start college soon and Kyoto University accepted her so she really didn't know if go back or not. She was planning on going to Fuuka University but things changed so abruptly that she was lost.

* * *

Natsuki got to the bar and ordered her first beer. She really enjoyed drinking, every time she drank she noticed things that she normally didn't when she wasn't drinking. Although she always wondered how she always ended in her apartment. Normally she didn't remember many things when she woke up the next day. It really didn't matter the whole purpose of getting drunk was forgetting her problems. 

Time passed and she was on her sixth beer. She really wasn't feeling woozy like she normally did. Maybe too much drinking gave her the need of more alcohol. She was having a nice time just sitting there drinking not really thinking about her problems and she was watching a baseball game. She was really hopping no guys would come up and offer her a drink since she really didn't like that.

After her eight beers she was now feeling the effects of alcohol and was laughing at everything and talking nonsense. She really lost it now everyone at the bar was staring at her. She was arguing with the man beside her. She decided it wasn't worth it and headed towards the bathroom. There she sobered up, washed her face and smiled at herself then she went again. She wanted to leave now there were too many people there and a lot of the people there were men. She really didn't want to get bothered today so she paid her bill and left.

As she slowly got on her bike and put her helmet she turned she heard her name being called. She couldn't quite make the figure under so little light and her current state wasn't of help. After concentrating a little she realized who it was she rolled her eyes she really didn't need to see him today.

"You? What do you want?"

"Are you ok Natsuki, you seem a bit drunk?"

"I'm fine Reito."

"Are you sure?"

"Do I really need to punch you today?"

"Natsuki… I"

"Unless you know where Shizuru is then we don't need to talk"

Silence

"I figured now leave me alone"

"I talked to her you know"

Natsuki hoped off her bike and grabbed Reito by the neck.

"What did she tell you?"

"Natsu… ki I can't… talk…"

Natsuki loosened her grip on Reito but didn't let go of him.

"**Tell me!"**

"She just told me to keep an eye on you"

"**Do you know where she is? Do you!"**

"No I don't. I'm sorry"

Natsuki let go of Reito and hopped on her bike. She needed to find her today, no matter what. She had the adrenaline running through her body nothing was going to stop her. The only clue she had was that she was probably staying near the beach. She didn't know where to start there where a lot of beaches in Japan. For all she knew Shizuru could be in Kyoto. She needed to talk to Yamada and see if he found something else. She was driving really fast in search for a payphone. She saw one and made her way through the honking cars. She got of and dialed Yamada's number.

"Yamada it's me"

"Natsuki I've been trying to reach you, why don't you answer your cell phone?"

"Long story"

"I've found the lady you where looking for; chestnut hair, slender figure, tall, and mesmerizing red eyes?"

"Yes it's her!! Where is she?"

"Apparently she is staying at the Kikukawa Residence in Kujukurihama, a 60km stretch of Pacific coast in northern Chiba"

Natsuki didn't even bother on hanging the phone she was already on her way towards Yukino's house. She had found Shizuru and was really happy the only problem was that she was still drunk and under no circumstances of getting there in one piece. She knew that but she still decided to go. Before she was on her way she entered a store bought a bottle of scotch, several cans of instant coffee and used the bathroom there. She washed her face sobered up as much as she could. Opened the bottle of scotch and had two drinks, after that she drank the whole can of instant coffee. She left the store and took the bottle of scotch.

It was going to take her two hours to get there and it was 11:00 pm. She really didn't care how long it took her to get there as long as she got to see Shizuru. She was concentrating as much as she could so she wouldn't crash. She was doing ok but was getting really tired. She pulled up several times so she could drink coffee and stay awake. On her way there she was thinking what she was going to tell Shizuru when she saw her and laughed. She realized she really didn't know what she was going to say, but it really didn't matter know. The most important thing right know was to get there.

Time passed and she was almost there. She decided to take one last stop before reaching Yukino's house. She drank her last can of coffee and took one last drink of the bottle of scotch and threw it away. She kept driving a few minutes and she was going to be there. She could see the house from where she was. It was 1:00 am and she still had 15 more minutes to get there. She realized she stunk to alcohol and wondered what Shizuru would think.

She was finally there; she got off her bike and took her helmet off. She wasn't really nervous maybe it was all the alcohol she had consumed but it didn't matter. She clumsily walked up the stairs and was ready to knock on the door.

**TBC…**

* * *

Ok I know this is longer I hope you guys forgive me for taking so long. Ummm what else… ohh yeah umm I think there's only one more chapter left two at most. You know its funny how out of 500 people that read a story only 9 of them take the time to review. 

It's not that hard actually there's a button on the bottom of the page that says submit review. You click it and leave a review… you can even say my story sucks or I don't anything works… Hell I'll even take insults… lol. Either way thanks for those who waited and I hope you liked the chapter. This chapter has not been revised to lazy to do it right now and I just want to upload it.

Off to bed… please REVIEW!!!!!!!!!

**Shiznat: I've been trying to email you my drawing but my internet service is a way too slow it never uploads it. I'm sorry. I'm gonna keep trying.**


	8. Real Chapter 7

Ok people here it is… after many LOL I decided to start writing again… thanks to all the readers and reviewers. More than 9 people reviewed this time and it makes me happy. Special thanks to Shiznat for giving me ideas.

* * *

She was standing in front of the door. Her face was flushed because of the alcohol she consumed. She didn't care; she was finally there ready to tell Shizuru how much she loved her. She knocked on the door. She didn't know if Shizuru was going to come out, but she was not going to leave. She knocked again … nothing. She knocked again this time harder. This time the door opened. In front of her was standing the chestnut haired goddess. She was rubbing her eyes trying to wash away the sleep. She still hadn't opened them when she decided to speak. Her voice came out harsh and upset.

"Yes?"

"Shizuru…"

As soon as she heard the voice her eyes snapped open. She was speechless; Natsuki was standing in front of her. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't supposed to know where she was. She was still lost in thought when she smelled alcohol. She looked at Natsuki she could see her face flushed and the effort she made to stay awake and straight. Was she drunk?

"Natsuki … are you drunk?"

"Me?"

"Yes you?"

"No not at all. Why would I be drunk?"

Shizuru didn't need to know anything else. She knew that Natsuki was drunk; she slurred everything that she said right now. She knew that whatever Natsuki told her would probably make no sense. She knew that she wouldn't be able to talk to Natsuki in that state. She was surprised she had never seen Natsuki that drunk. Yes they used to go out and drink a little bit, but Natsuki too it too a whole new level. When she saw Natsuki looking at her she decided to find out why she was here.

"Natsuki, what do you want?"

Natsuki was taken aback by the harshness and coldness Shizuru had. She knew that Shizuru would be upset but she didn't think expect the cold stare she was giving her. She was trying her best not faint or laugh. She was really sleepy and her brain wasn't cooperating with her. Every time she wanted to talk she would end up slurring what she wanted to say or laughing.

"Shizuru … I …. _Silence_"

Shizuru could see the effort Natsuki had made right now. She was lost, what happened to Natsuki? She figured she might as well let her come in. She was already there.

"Natsuki … you should come in. It's cold outside"

Shizuru grabbed Natsuki by the arm. She knew that if she let Natsuki walk by herself, her face would meet the wooden floor in no time. They made their way inside; Shizuru sat Natsuki on the couch. Natsuki sat there and just looked at Shizuru. She was loosing focus; she needed to get to the point. The problem was that she didn't know how to approach the subject. She just couldn't tell her_ "Hey … what's up I was just around the neighborhood and decided to tell you that I love you." _She laughed out loud earning a worried look from Shizuru.

"Natsuki are you okay?"

"Huh?? Me??? Umm yeah"

"Natsuki how did you get here? You didn't drive all the way here did you?"

"I had to. I wanted to see you."

"You could have gotten hurt."

"But I didn't and I'm here anyway"

_Silence_

Natsuki tried standing up but failed. She made several attempts until she made it. She was making her way towards Shizuru when she tripped over a coffee table. The sound startled them both. Shizuru looked up and saw Natsuki approaching her. She didn't know what to do. She was worried. Natsuki just drove two hours to see her. She was completely drunk and acting foolish. She saw her stop in front of her. She was staring at her, under other circumstances she would have teased her but now the only thing she could do was stare back at the green orbs.

"Shizuru…. You're beautiful"

"Natsuki…."

Natsuki cupped Shizuru's face. She was getting closer, their lips where centimeters away. Natsuki wanted to kiss Shizuru so badly she wanted to feel her lips on hers. She finally closed the distance between their lips. Her lips where so soft, she wanted more … NO … she needed more.

Shizuru couldn't believe what was happening, her dreams where becoming a reality Was this really happening or was god playing a bad joke on her? It didn't take her long to return the kiss. She had wanted this since the first day she saw her. Her lips where on top of hers, she could taste Natsuki and she was enjoying every second of it. Then she realized the taste Natsuki had. Natsuki tasted like alcohol, her mind was not reacting, she wanted to pull away and break the kiss but the feeling she had was intoxicating. After a while she finally managed to get words out of her.

"Natsuki stop…."

"Why?"

Natsuki was upset. She had come all the way to see her, to tell her how much she loved her. She had already confessed. What was wrong? Didn't Shizuru want her too? What happened did she do something wrong? Didn't she love her anymore?

"Shizuru… what?"

"Natsuki you are not thinking clearly"

"Shizuru I came all the way over here to tell you I loved you"

"Natsuki you don't love me"

"Yes I do I do love you"

Natsuki started kissing her again but this time Shizuru pushed her away.

"Natsuki stop … you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying"

"Shizuru please…"

Shizuru wanted to cry. She was so happy when Natsuki kissed her she wanted that so badly. She wanted _her_ so badly that she forgot about the state she was in. She wanted to think that it was all real and not some bad joke. She wanted to believe she really did but she knew that Natsuki was not Natsuki. She had been drinking too much to be herself; it was the alcohol talking not her.

Shizuru knew that if Natsuki kept kissing her she would loose it. If that where to happen both of them would end up doing something that they would regret later. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to stop but she couldn't. She was loosing it and slowly giving in to her desires. She couldn't let that happen for her sake and Natsuki's. Natsuki was slowly making her way down Shizuru's neck.

"Natsuki … stop"

That was it. Natsuki wanted Shizuru and she was going to have her. She had already told her she loved her and the only thing Shizuru did was push her away. Why was this happening? Was it too late for them? Whatever the reason was, she didn't care. She was not going to take no for an answer. She was going to make Shizuru hers no matter what.

Natsuki grabbed Shizuru by the shoulders and pushed her against the wall. She let go of her shoulders and pinned her wrist above her head. She spread her legs and placed her knee between them and started kissing her.

Shizuru was scared. She never knew Natsuki was capable of treating her like this. She loved Natsuki and wanted her more than anything in the world but this … she did not want. She tried breaking free but Natsuki was stronger than her. She really didn't want to hurt Natsuki after all she was drunk. It was becoming harder to breakaway since Natsuki was kissing her neck causing her to loose focus. She was giving in. She could smell the alcohol in Natsuki. That made her snap out of her trance. She felt Natsuki loosen her grip on her wrist that gave her the opportunity to breakaway. She pushed Natsuki away. Natsuki stumbled backwards and almost fell.

She wasn't going to let Shizuru get away that easily. She shook her head and made her way towards her again. Shizuru was surprised at Natsuki's persistence but she wasn't going to let that show. She saw Natsuki coming closer so she decided to do what she thought was best. She really didn't hurt Natsuki so she was going to try to talk some sense in her.

"Natsuki please just stop this already"

Natsuki was not listening she just kept coming closer.

"Natsuki please"

Shizuru was really hopping Natsuki would listen to her and just stop. It didn't work she kept coming closer this time she grabbed Shizuru and threw her at the couch and landed on top of her.

Shizuru didn't want this. She was crying now. She was afraid of Natsuki. She didn't love this Natsuki she wanted the old one back. Natsuki started kissing her again, her hands started going down to her thighs. She started taking Shizuru's shirt off when she heard Shizuru yell.

"Natsuki just … stop… I don't want …. You…"

Natsuki stopped kissing Shizuru and just stared at her. Shizuru pushed Natsuki away and slapped her. Natsuki didn't react to the slap she was trying to regain her senses. She was lost… She saw Shizuru crying. She wanted to make her feel better but she didn't know what to do. She had hurt the one she loved the most, her precious person. She stood up and made her way towards Shizuru. Shizuru just pushed her away and sobbed even more.

Natsuki was hurt. She had come all the way to tell Shizuru how much she loved and needed her and ended up hurting her.

She was so stupid. She was lost she didn't know how to make Shizuru better when the one that made her sad was her. It hurt her seeing her like that. Natsuki decided that she was not going to run anymore. She was going to face everything life threw at her. She was tired of running. She came here to tell Shizuru she loved her and she would.

"Shizuru … I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Natsuki just… stop"

Natsuki was just staring at Shizuru asking herself questions. Was she about to rape Shizuru? Did Shizuru still love her? Would she forgive her? She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers. She figured the best thing to do was to leave Shizuru alone. She figured she didn't want to see her after what she had almost done. So she decided that she was going to go to beach and think.

"Shizuru I'm going to … go"

Natsuki made her way out of the door, and headed towards the beach. She needed to think and just let Shizuru have her time.

Shizuru was still crying. She was terrified that Natsuki would rape her. Yes she did want her and loved her but not like that. She felt violated. She didn't know what to do. She heard Natsuki leave; she wanted to go after her but her legs wouldn't move. She was still in shock. She really didn't want Natsuki to leave in that state but she just couldn't do anything. Not after what just happened.

A few minutes passed until she stopped crying. She felt bad about everything but there wasn't anything she could do. She had to stop crying and go look for Natsuki. She knew that Natsuki didn't want to do what she had done. She really couldn't blame her but she was still shocked.

Natsuki was sitting in front of the ocean. She was trying to regain herself; she still couldn't believe what she had almost done… She just couldn't stay at the beach all night; she eventually had to go back and just face everything she had caused. She was starting to feel sleepy too. She decided that she was going to drive back home and just let things calm down.

Truth was that she had no idea what she was going to do. She didn't expect Shizuru to ever talk to her after this. She was lost. She had lost the one chance she had with Shizuru because of alcohol and her stupidity. She was mad, she wanted to make it all go away but she knew she couldn't. She just hit the sand; there was nothing she could really do now.

She was about to leave when she saw Shizuru sit beside her. She didn't know what to say, the only thing she could do was stare. Why was Shizuru sitting beside her? Why was she so kind to her when the only thing she could do was hurt her? Why? That was the only question that she wanted to know ever since Shizuru left. **Why?**

"Shizuru I'm really sorry for everything, I wasn't thinking clearly I didn't want to hurt you. I would never want that for you."

"Natsuki…"

"No let me talk. I know I've caused you pain and suffering. And I want you to know that it was never my intention. I was stupid to not realize how much I really loved you, and it's ok if you never forgive me I just wanted you to know that what I said inside was the truth. You are beautiful and I truly love you. It's not the alcohol that is talking it's me. The Natsuki you used to love"

"Natsuki I … don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know what I though. I should be leaving now. I am truly sorry for everything I put you through"

Natsuki stood up and was about to leave when she felt Shizuru grab her arm.

"Natsuki wait."

"Shizuru…"

"My turn to talk Natsuki… I'm sorry if I didn't believe you. I truly am but I want you to know that I still love you and I always will no matter what happens."

Natsuki wanted to kiss Shizuru so badly that moment. She wanted to taste those lips again. She wanted her, but she knew that if she did it would make Shizuru uncomfortable so she calmed herself. Both of them where looking intently at each other. Natsuki just wanted to know one last thing before she left. She probably knew the answer but just wanted to try either way.

"Shizuru … may I … Kiss you?"

Shizuru smiled. She was just thinking the same thing.

"It's ok if you don't want to….I….totally understand… If"

Natsuki was silenced when she felt Shizuru's lips on top of hers.

TBC???

* * *

U think I should continue?? Or is that a good ending? Whatever you guys say I'll do… so it's been a long day and a lot of things happened so I better go to sleep now… Please review… I want as many reviews as possible … and thanks to those who reviewed last chapter. Hope you can do it again. This chapter is shorter than the last one but... I have my reasons... Hope u guys like AND PLEASE REVIEW. 


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